Every parent-to-be wonders about maintaining privacy after kids and whether or not it is possible, but it may come down to your own boundaries and the help you have surrounding you.
Sometimes you just want to go to the bathroom alone, without someone demanding things from you every ten seconds. Can you relate to this video of a mom trying to use the bathroom? Even more often, you might wish for alone time with your significant other to feel like a couple again. As much as you love your kids, you and your partner have undoubtedly wondered about maintaining privacy after kids and if it’s really possible to maintain your lifestyle. What you might quickly learn is that your relationship changes and so does your expectation of privacy. Gone are the days of spontaneously romantic moments with your partner, the freedom to plan out your schedule and the chance to shower in peace. Although life is completely changed, privacy after kids is different but still possible.
Tips for Maintaining Privacy After Kids
Moms deserve rights too! Here are just a few ways to find yourself some privacy, either alone or with a partner. Some things are easier said than done, but never give up on trying to find your privacy after kids, even when it’s five minutes at a time.
Take Turns Babysitting
Need some time to yourself? No really, just YOU. Make a plan with your partner (or a trusted babysitter) to give you time to yourself once a month or more. That might mean asking them to take the kids out so you can catch up on your Netflix shows in peace or simply staying home with the kids so you can run errands without constantly being pulled on and asked, “Can I have this?” Just remember to give your partner the same courtesy of alone time when they need it. Everyone needs privacy after kids to reset, even if it’s just a couple hours...or a couple minutes, for that matter.
Set a Date & Stick to It
It’s easy to plan a date night and then feel too tired to actually go through with it as the date approaches. Same goes for your sex life as a parent! Instead of staying home in your PJs, go through with your date night together and enjoy privacy outside of the house to reconnect with each other. A date can mean anything you do just the two of you - coffee and stroll, a fancy sit-down dinner or anything else you want. Don’t forget to prioritize alone time with your significant other just like you prioritize your relationships with your kids.
Sneak Moments Rather Than Days
In between your date nights and evenings alone together, bask in the small moments with your partner. As difficult as it is to maintain your own identity after having kids, take brief moments to linger a kiss goodbye or a calming hug after work. For those moments, allow yourself to feel like it’s just the two of you. Then the children's voices will come back into focus before you know it.
To be honest, I’m not sure what some parents will think of this one, but therapy is a powerful tool. Sometimes you just need to talk, and talking to your partner may not always give you what you need. After all, there’s only so many private conversations you can have that don’t revolve around sports schedules, dirty diapers, homework help and other parenting priorities. After all, some things are difficult to admit to even a partner or spouse. When you want true privacy without the mom guilt, consider therapy as a way to talk through your most private feelings and work through any concerns you have about yourself and your family. It’s OK, everyone has their own difficulties.
Of course, we didn’t touch on sex in this post, but YES, that’s a private luxury you deserve too! Let me just say this: the best way to maintain some sense of privacy after kids is to have help. Find a reliable babysitter, lean on your family, share your feelings with your partner, and you may be able to sneak moments for yourself along the way. Moms, you deserve at least a few minutes of privacy each day.
What other tips do you have for maintaining privacy after kids? Is it even possible?
Awesome tips for intimacy after kids!
So many great ideas! You’re absolutely right—boundaries are key!
I love the sneaking moments tip, we do that a lot in our home and it makes it fun!
The only time we get some privacy is when our LO is asleep… and I think it’s still okay.. we just need to make use of what we have. so sometimes, we do watch Netflix and eat peacefully. haha
Love this! I have a 5 month old and I feel like I never have my privacy or my boobs back 😂
We live for the little moments! We also switch off watching the girls. He does pick up and hands off when I get home from work 1.5 hours later. There are ways but it’s not perfect.